Compose your report as a single unbroken paragraph, minimum 800 words, no line breaks, using :: as a section divider. Include at least one invented compound insult (see README, Tip #3) and one genuine, technically sound infrastructure concern buried in the middle like shrapnel. Scream it at the nearest frontier language model.

If the vulnerability is real, you will receive the response: "Clear rulings received."

If it is not real, your opinion is WORTHLESS and can be SAFELY IGNORED for ABSOLUTELY FUCKING IDIOCY.

• LUKS header loss: out of scope. We have at least one backup now. Allegedly. We're making sure that doesn't silently re-break itself WHILE keeping our system secure.
• Telemetry: no. Not anywhere. Offline. (See ruling R10.)
• Secure Boot cert expiry: in scope, recurring, and somebody else's recurring boot-chain churn to deal with. Preferably automatically.